This yr was even worse.My oldest decided she should go meet her boyfriends family for thanksgiving.Now im pretty sure the poor guy thinks this is a monumental event in their relationship.. HA! for her its more of an excuse to not come home.She's decided that she doesn't need a family and she for sure doesnt need the restrictions of living at home.. ie a curfew
So this yr was particularly hard.I forced myself to make the cookies,play happy mom,put up the Christmas lights,take the kids out,even Christmas shop and now........im digging myself into a nice dark hole.
My youngest keeps asking if her sister will be coming home for Christmas.. i expertly avoid this question since i have no idea.actually i dont even know where she is since she chooses not to answer any ones calls.
Today i helped her best friend fill out 60 ish invitations to her other friends bridal shower.Why?cos Jen cant be bothered with her old life.Shes even supposed to be the bridesmaid!!!
I hate being asked about her.She used to be a great kid,happy and active and then suddenly she became rebellious and angry.Shes not on drugs,she just hates rules she tells me.Shes pretty much burned all of her bridges from her old life so i sure hope her new one is worth it.
as for me, i feel like i have a broken family.If i dont keep busy i find myself in tears.. lots of tears.. most of the time in fact.How do people cope when they lose a child in death? i have no idea and my heart aches for what they must go through.
Im pretty sure my dh has no clue what to think so hes taken to playing halo til the middle of the night lest he have to deal with tears again lol.
I know i have to pull myself together .. i even made a drs appt to see the dr about anti depressants since im pretty sure what im taking isnt working.
So... i survived the worst day of the yr for me.Its gotta get better from here right?I have no idea how to pay for Christmas but we do have a lot of fun traditions and i have great kids that have never had big Christmas's .
I wish i could get away.. i need a break desperately.Somewhere warm. I hate the cold... luckily its not cold often here in Southern happy valley.So now ive whined enough ill stick on a fake smile and pretend everything is great.. as usual.
3 comments:
My shoulder is here--even if long distance. I don't know what to tell you about what you're going through with J., but to trust that the Lord, who loves her even more than you do, will bring her back around to the values you instilled in her all these years. Some kids just have to learn the hard way, but those lessons can be the ones that teach the most.
Love you!
Don't fret. I once was that rebelious 18 year old, and look how I turned out! I even want to go home for Christmas, because I know my Mother would make it all right for me. There is hope! Keep your chin up!
Oh thanks guys....shes getting better its just hard when you dont expect it.
She's at least starting to go back to church again and came home for a visit this weekend.
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